Humor - Best Picks
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- Written by: Administrator
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Christians, and I suspect most God-fearing folks, pray to do the will of God and seek His confirmation either through blessings when we are on the right track, or through some other clear indication that we have stumbled off the path. You will often hear Christians say things like "God told me to..." or "God made it clear we should not...." I, personally, do believe that God is in control of all things, and that all things (including our misfortune) work together for the good of those who love Him. Further, I suspect that God loves riddles because, even among the most faithful of followers, sometimes the "burning bush" we have mistaken as a sign from God turns out to be nothing more than, well, a burning bush. The most hilarious illustration of this conundrum happened to an acquaintance of mine a couple of years ago.
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I am convinced there is a coveted Golden Lube Award presented at an annual drive-thru-oil-change-company award banquet and that this award is based on the highest exponential up-sale garnered by any single salesman/mechanic.
I am further convinced that this year's award will be claimed by my own neighborhood Oil & Lube in recognition of turning a $19.99 oil change into a $237 drain-flush-replace-fill of every imaginable fluid that my mini-van could cough-up.
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- Written by: Administrator
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Many important and life-altering discoveries have been made by accident. Think of Penicillin, Velcro and Post-It Notes, to name a few. Today I accidentally discovered how to kill or maim a person using 2 ordinary household items: a plastic 1-quart bottle of half-n-half and a single car key.
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Last night, I popped in the PG rated movie Spaceballs thinking it would be a fun family movie. Good ‘ol Mel Brooks! Within 30 minutes the boys heard nearly every cuss word we’d been shielding them against since birth. I was mildly relieved that the first – and even second – sh*t blew past their heads without their acknowledgement. But we had to turn the movie off when the a*hole dialogue started; the part where there are six or so guys on the bridge and they each take turns calling someone they know an a*hole. Chuck told the boys that he would like to see the movie, but with the bad words beeped out.
That was critical back-story to understanding the day we had today.
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- Written by: Cindy Adams
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Have you heard the term “rubber husband?” Though it may conjure images not fit for all audiences it is, simply, the rubber jar opener that most of us have in our overloaded-and-always-getting-jammed kitchen tchochke drawer.
One day I was trying to remove a stubborn jar lid and, since we were in the car and I don’t carry my rubber husband in my otherwise bottomless purse, I handed the jar to my other husband. As he effortlessly twisted the jar open and handed it back to me, he proudly and rhetorically asked, “There, who needs a rubber husband?” Alex, our son who is the living image of his father answers “Why, a rubber wife of course!” After Chuck and I had our giggle Alex and his brother Chris continued to discuss the possible challenges of a life shared by a rubber couple. Suddenly, Chris yelled, “Stop talking about a rubber wife, you’re making my feet tickle!” (Tickling feet is what he experiences when we are talking about open wounds or surgery.)
“Making your feet tickle? Why?” we asked.
“Because, if you stretch a rubber wife far enough she’s going to SNAP!”
Oooh, how early begin the deep and profound lessons of life!