Since having children, I've noticed a marked decrease in my ability to control my bladder. Oh, more than you want to know? Well, according to my OB-GYN it's "behavioral," and not caused by some medical condition brought on by delivering babies.
Behavioral!! Are you saying that I'm like a 5 year old who holds her pee until it’s a crisis because she'd rather stand, gripping her crotch, bouncing from foot to foot, than miss a second of playtime with friends?
I don't do that!
Since having children, I've noticed a marked decrease in my ability to control my bladder. Oh, more than you want to know? Well, according to my OB-GYN it's "behavioral," and not caused by some medical condition brought on by delivering babies.
Behavioral!! Are you saying that I'm like a 5 year old who holds her pee until it’s a crisis because she'd rather stand, gripping her crotch, bouncing from foot to foot, than miss a second of playtime with friends?
I don't do that!
Well, sometime it might be behavioral; like when we’re on a road trip and I try to hold it for as long as I can so that we don't have to stop, AGAIN (and to the boys chagrin until they insist that I don’t consume any more liquid for the whole trip), at a skanky gas station or rest stop.
By the time we do stop all of us have to pee and then the “who-gets-to-go-first” argument ensues:
Me: I really have to go!
Chuck: So do I! I've been holding for a long time and I've had 2 Route 44 Diet Cokes!
Boys: We have to go really bad! We want to go with mommy!
Me: Have any of you ever peed your pants?
The guys in Unison: No...
Me: Then get out of my way! I'm first!
And I push my way in, most of the time just in time. Yes, most of the time....
One of my recurring nightmares is that I have to use the bathroom and am unable to find a restroom that's both private and clean.
I woke this morning from such a dream. In my dream I’m attending a lecture in a large auditorium and suddenly have the urge to find a restroom. I get up and begin my search for a toilet. As I roam the halls, my need becomes more and more urgent, I open each door to find a toilet, or a big room full of toilets side-by-side. I search from one porcelain receptacle to another, each one filled to the brim with waste. I finally decide to squat on one and relieve myself, only to find that now I'm sitting on a toilet in plain view in a busy parking lot. I finish my duty, clean up (keeping my head down so as not to be recognized) and search for a sink to wash my hands. Now I'm back in a public restroom – but one with stalls and doors. Only, when I wash my hands, I have to pee again. Just as badly as the first time. But I'm no longer in the bathroom with stalls and doors; I'm back in the auditorium, disturbing the audience as I start to open door after door seeking another restroom.
And so it goes until I wake up and realize that I really have to use the bathroom.
Safely back in the reality and comfort of my home, I make my way in the dark to my own, private restroom. I take my position only to find that one of the boys has forgotten to lift the seat during the night and I'm sitting in a pool of urine.
Aauuggghhh! (Hear the score from the movie Psycho, shower scene.)