Now, check kiting is not an activity I advocate, condone or otherwise support. Imagine, then, my shock and suprrise to get a call from one of our banks informing me that our money market account had a debit balance.
"What?" I ask even though I heard her the first time. "That can't be! We rarely use that account."
"Yes, well, there have been 2 returned items bringing your account to a -$25 balance." She states. She's heard it all before.
Now, check kiting is not an activity I advocate, condone or otherwise support. Imagine, then, my shock and suprrise to get a call from one of our banks informing me that our money market account had a debit balance.
"What?" I ask even though I heard her the first time. "That can't be! We rarely use that account."
"Yes, well, there have been 2 returned items bringing your account to a -$25 balance." She states. She's heard it all before.
"That may be, but they were not written by me!" I begin to think back. We did misplace a checkbook not long ago, which resulted in me having to use another book out of sequence to write the check for our mortgage. We had put just enough in that account to cover that one check. Did Chuck ever find the missing book?
"Somebody has gotten hold of our check book." I announce. "We did not write those checks and yes, I think we even lost our checkbook. What are those check numbers?" She gave me the numbers and the amounts of the returned items. Then, she has the audacity to ask me when I'm going to make a deposit to cover the debit balance!
"You don't understand!" I yell, indignant, "We did NOT write those checks, this is a clear case of fraud and I'm getting on the phone with your fraud department right now!" I hung up the phone repeatedly reminding myself to stay calm, stay calm, ask the Lord for wisdom. OOOOOHHHH SOMEBODY STOLE MY CHECKBOOK, that $%&@@!!!! Cooool down. WWJD. Call Chuck, let him know....
"Capstone, this is Chuck."
"Chuck, we just got a call from The Bank saying that we're overdrawn and that there have been 2 returned items. Do you have the (The Bank) checkbook?"
"Yes, I have it here."
"What's the first available check number?"
"320"
"Then it was 319 that I wrote for the mortgage." No, I don't keep a register. I rely on my steel trap of a mind to recall what went where and to whom.
I got on the phone with The Bank fraud department to report the incident. Then I started thinking about how exposed we are for identity theft; credit cards, numerous bank accounts, the myriad mailing lists. Everything done on computer, via the internet. Oh, I knew we should have just stuck to cash, paper and pencil! That's it, we're going to start burying our money in the backyard and stuffing our mattresses. I'll have Chuck build a cabinet with a hidden cavity.
As I'm waiting for the Customer Service Rep to come back with the returned item numbers and who they were written to, something in my conscience is stirring; a sixth sense summons me to check out my purse. I slowly open the cover of my checkbook. Lo and behold, the stolen checkbook! No! This can't be the one I have been using for groceries, haircuts, pizza, my Avon order; there it was, in front of me, mocking me. I had been using the WRONG checkbook and now there were EIGHT checks outstanding.
What now? I'm still on hold. Do I just hang up and pretend the connection was lost? Do I fess up to what an IDIOT I am?
"Mrs. Adams," comes the voice over the phone, "I have that information for you."
Ah, {beep}, might as well spill it. "You know what? I just found the check book. I was using the wrong account. I'm the theif, the fraud, the guilty party. Am I going to jail?"
"No, just get the money into the account as soon as you can. It happens to the best of us." He offers without even cracking a grin. You can hear a grin over the phone, you know.
Now how do I tell Chuck?
Folks, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He laughs, tells me it's okay, even tries to play the martyr by taking blame for having the original checkbook. (But, I don't usually allow that as the martyr role is reserved for me.)
He did tell me though, that after he got off the phone with me, he pulled up a chair next to Kyle, one of his bachelor business partners, and said, "Kyle, just so you have no delusions, let me tell you what marriage is really like."
Yes, Kyle, be afraid. Be very, very afraid.