21 Days to A Bigger Vocabulary

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Written by: Administrator

Published: 22 December 2007

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^{Disclaimer:  Remember this is 21 days to a bigger vocabulary, I didn't promise a better one.} 

fard

pronunciation:  I would tell you it's like saying "fart" while burying each forefinger in its corresponding nostril.  That's so gauche, though, so let's just say it's pronounced like "fart" with a "d."

Definition:  to apply cosmetics to one's face.

This is a great "f" word to use when you need a quick exit:  "Excuse me, as much as I enjoy listening to you go on about yourself, I must visit the ladies room to fard."  Or, when you're tired of explaining to friends why you're perpetually late:   "Well, you know Mary - it takes her two hours in the can just to fard."

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Written by: Administrator

Published: 19 December 2007

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Merry Christmas, early!  You get a bonus word because I couldn't decide between the two.

dunderhead

Pronunciation:  DUN-der-hed

Definition:  A stupid person; a dunce

I've always loved this word which isn't used nearly enough and sounds markedly British. 

I last saw it used by either Sherlock Holmes or Watson - I can't remember which.  A couple of years ago I spent 6-weeks, that is to say I tapped out my library book extensions, ingesting every volume of Doyle's work starring the mastermind Holmes - who is anything but a dunderhead.  I fell in love.  If there were one fictional character who I could breathe life into, it would be Sherlock.  Of course, that's the alter-Cindy talking; the one who would fall full throttle in love with a cocaine-snorting-woman-hating-genius-eccentric. I digress.

When would you use dunderhead?  Anytime you'd use stupid, idiot, imbecile, nitwit, half-wit, nincompoop, boob, dope, or dork.  That's never for we Christians, right? 

Ah, well, for those of us who fall short of Christ's example, get creative!  Use it in a hearty Shakespearean insult:  "Thou errant, knotty-pated dunderhead!"

Please forgive alter-Cindy; she knoweth not whatfore she doth.

Ahem, next word...

dunnage

pronunciation:  DUN-ij

Definition:  The loose packing material used to protect cargo.

What comes to mind are those blasted, polystyrene packing peanuts.  My kids are drawn to them like  my bare foot to the corner of a misplaced Lego block.  Within moments of tearing into the package my house is littered with crushed foam pieces that magically flit away from both broom and vacuum.  Whose bright invention was the packing peanut, anyway?  What dunnage seeking dunderhead thought that was a good idea?  Not one with kids, I'm certain.

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Written by: Administrator

Published: 18 December 2007

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cicatrix

Pronunciation:  SIK-uh-TRIKS or si-KAY-triks

Definition:  New tissue that forms over a wound and later contracts into a scar. 

This is a cool sounding word of limited use to the layperson.  For general fiction writers, unless you're composing poetry, if you need to mention a scar then say scar.  Any word that should be used in everyday conversation would most certainly appear in a sentence somewhere in the first 5 pages of a Google search.  Not so, cicatrix.  Aside from appearing in medical journals, the only other search results pointed to a company and a band sporting the name.  The fact that there is a company and a band named Cicatrix, though, proves there are a few of us out here who get our jollies by scouring the Webster's for obscure words.

Cicatrix can be a fine thread to weave into a fantasy yarn.  The term vicious cicatrix refers to a scar that results in permanent deformity or loss of use of a limb.  Vicious Cicatrix - now there's potential. 

When would you use cicatrix?  1.  If you want to sound like a doctor, but can't afford a night at the Holiday Inn Express; 2.  To get a discount on a tree at Home Depot.  Sure, you know that kid who's there to help answer your question is also pre-authorized to give a discount.  Inform him that this mark on the trunk is going to result in a vicious cicatrix; 3.  I don't know...come up with a joke:  Did you hear the one about the doctor, the arborist and the crossword puzzle geek who walked into Starbucks... Is that your nose or a vicious cicatrix?  (HAhahaha)

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Written by: Administrator

Published: 14 December 2007

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balbriggan

Pronounced:  Bal-BRIG-uhn

Definition:  Plain knit cotton fabric used especially in underwear.  It’s named after the  Irish port city, Balbriggan, where it was first made.

I chose this word for a couple of good reasons:  first, I like the way it sounds -   balbriggan.  See how it rolls off the tongue?  Second, it’s a perfectly innocuous word which, for those of us who don’t cuss, can easily double as an expletive.  Listen, doesn’t it sound like a something a pirate might growl as he’s swabbing the deck?  “Ar! Ya swabble be makin’ a balbriggan mess on me poop deck!” 

Hey, offer me an opportunity to meander through the plentitude of the English language, spice it with juvenile humor and honey, I.Am.There.

How you might use the word balbriggan:  1) When you order your kids for the umpteenth time to pick up their balbriggan dirty clothes and toss them into the balbriggan basket; 2) you remind your ill-humored mother-in-law not to get her balbriggans in a bunch; 3) you’re in line at Wal-Mart with your husband and he’s eyeing up the lady in front of you whose wearing jeans so tight you can read the balbriggan label.