Humor
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"Mommy, how do you count by 'illions,' is it a million, a billion, a trillion...what comes after a trillion?"
"Hmmm," mommy draws a blank. "Daddy, what does come after a trillion?"
Daddy doesn't even look up from his paper, "a trillion and one."
Grrrrr.
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We're on our way to run errands when I take a swig of my bottled water. From the back-seat a child's voice issues this warning:
"MOM!!! Don't drink when you're driving!!!"
"It's just water, Chris. I'm not even on the main road yet."
"MOM!!! If you drink and drive you're going to be pulled over by the POLICE and have to do EXercises on the side of the ROAD and they're going to show you on T.V. with your FACE scribbled out and then you'll go to JAIL!!!"
One sip of Evian and I'm barreling straight down the slippery slope that leads to Stony Lonesome.
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Last night I walked into the boys' room just as Alex was saying to Chris, "Chris, I'm not going to let you grow up to be that way!"
"What are you guys talking about?" I asked.
Chris looked up at me with his I've-made-up-my-mind-and-there's-nothing-you-can-say-to-change-it look and clamped his lips together making it clear he was not going to give it up without a crow-bar or a sugar bribe.
Read more: The Capitalist and the Socialist; It's Elementary, My Dear
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The other day Chuck was engrossed in some Military show, on the Military Channel, when I walked in to have a word with him. As I went on and on, I don't even remember about what, Chuck became increasingly aware of a constant noise in his ear making it hard to focus on the T.V.
Can you believe he, without even looking, picked up the Tivo remote and pointed it at me? He was trying to PAUSE ME!
Although I gave him a hard time, it made me wonder if there would be a market for a subcutaneous microchip that would allow you to put the kids on "pause" when you want a little peace and quiet.
Just thinking....
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Here's a little bit of trivia for you: On September 18, 2005 the profession of Chiropractic, founded by Daniel Palmer (or was it Bartlett Joshua Palmer?), will celebrate its 110th birthday.
Our Chiropractor hosted a "birthday" party at his clinic on Thursday. I had forgotten about the celebration but when we rolled in at 5:00 PM for our adjustments, the boys were immediately drawn in by the "moonwalk" set up in the parking lot and I knew we'd be there for awhile.
Also present was a clown, Mr. Dimples, hired to make balloon "sculptures" and paint the kids' faces. Chris is still not very trusitng of anyone dressed in a clown suit, or anyone dressed as a life-sized stuffed animal, you may recall. He was, however, willing to put aside his prejuidices to get a balloon hat.
Mr. Dimples was kind enough to work his balloon magic and sculpt a rendition of the Pope's hat for Christopher. Alex wanted a Spider and was quite happy with his inflatable arachnid despite the fact that it had only six legs.
As we were driving home, Alex said "I think this looks more like an octopus. I'm going to call it an octopus."
"But Alex," I began, "an octopus has 8 tentacles, yours would be called a...a...well, yours would be called a 6 tentacled octopus. You're right."
Listen, there's no way I'm going to have my kid be the one in Sunday school asking "Wanna see my SEXTOPUS?"